Announcement

A few things.
There will be no other explanations, so listen now.
First, I want no questions, no "get well" comments... I'm just moving on.
Sir and I are no longer. There was something I thought would work itself out, and it didn't. Something I cannot live without. We are still great friends, and I will love Him and consider Him to be the love of my life forever, but we cannot be together, at least not at this time.
When I left the city, He asked me if I had everything... I said everything but my heart, I'm leaving that here with you... And that's what I meant. I may get to the point that I may occasionally share my bed with a man, but no one will ever have my heart, and anyone who tries to tie me down will be kicked to the curb. He told me the tattoo could be covered easily, and I know it could, but I don't see that happening. I want Him to know that I will always belong to Him.
Now. Second subject. "Submissive in the Dark" doesn't suit me well anymore. I have been sort of outgrowing it for a while now. I have created a new blog, and I hope you all will start reading me there. Its "Amethyst Rising" at http://ksamethystrising.blogspot.com/ . So, I hope to see you all there...

Thanks so much for understanding... If it wasn't for the friends that I have made here, I would never get through this...

Talk to you soon....

To Sir With Love

Love Is Not Enough

Sometimes I have to tell myself to keep on breathing
My heart is not believing you're gone
I try hard to remind myself time will do the healing
'Cause right now I'm not feeling all that strong

Everything's a memory
And they're taunting me
Just one simple thing
And I'll break down and cry

Chorus:
Why I wanna scream it's just not fair
Pray to god I didn't care
I wanna turn back time
Turn back time and have you here with me
I want to find someone to blame
But sometimes life gets in the way
And it doesn't care how much we love
'Cause sometimes love is just not enough

Oh we took a chance we gave it all we had and couldn't make it
It didn't work for all the times we tried
No matter how we loved, it seemed the odds were stacked against us
Now we have to live our separate lives

Well I'm not ready yet
Too much to forget
Oh it still feels like
A part of me is dying

Repeat chorus

Sometimes love is just not
How come love is just not
Enough

Boxing

"They laugh at me because I am different, I laugh at them because they are all the same."

One of my favorite sayings.

A friend and I were discussing the use of my term "minivan driving soccer moms". I realize there are thousands of women out there who drive minivans, take their kids to soccer practice, and really love their lives. Those aren't the women I am talking about.

The ones I am talking about are the ones who feel like that is who society expects them to be, and that they have no alternative.

So many people spend their lives sitting 6 inches from a brick wall, a thick heavy chain around their ankle, never realizing that the other end of the chain isn't hooked to anything. They never realize all they have to to is get up and walk away. Never know that living inside the box is an option.

I personally do not live inside the box. I stay as far away from the box as possible. When I was a teenager (Damn that seems like a long time ago!) I did things just to assert the fact that I was outside the box, I termed it doing things "for effect".

There is a certain ladies club here in hick county, that every year used to get together with other ladies clubs around the state and have sort of an art show featuring young artists from their communities. These are the little "Aunt Bea" prim and proper ladies. One year, they chose me. What they expected, and I knew it, was a nice landscape, or a still life of roses, or maybe a group of children. Would have been easy to do. Give them what they want, make them happy. Did I give them that? Of course not. I gave them my favorite work at the time, a pen and ink portrait of Jim Morrison. Yep, that Jim Morrison. Never heard from those little ladies again. Hmmm.

There was a time in my life, however, when I really tried to live in the box.

Once, when I was in my "trying to be a proper Christian woman" era, we were getting new clothes together to send to our sponsored orphan child. The minister's wife was listing the things that would be "appropriate" for the little boy, mentioning with a knowing little laugh that "we certainly don't want any leather jackets" and nothing black. I stopped wearing my leather biker jacket that winter. Got pretty cold, I couldn't afford to buy another coat, but I didn't wear it, thinking that it was something that a "good christian woman" shouldn't wear.

I am so glad that I got out of that trap. I am who I am, and if their god doesn't like me, I don't need to be there. People who don't accept me for the real me don't matter to me anyway. Not that I expect everyone to like me, or agree with the way I live my life... I just ask that they accept that that is the way I am.

I just feel sorry for the people who don't realize they have a choice. Many of the people who judge me critically for the way I live my life , the ones I feel sorry for, are the ones who are jealous of my ability to chose my way of life not realizing they have the same ability to chose thier own paths.